Little Journal Of Words

As we walk along the stony pavement on a rainy evening, my full concentration is on your words, and what you have to say. You listen to me, waving my hands in the air, telling you how lousy my day was. I don't know what it is, but I don't feel my heart racing inside my ribcage, or my heart skipping a beat when I'm with you. I don't feel nervous like they say; people feel when they're in love with someone. I feel rather calm and relaxed when you're around. A warm feeling washes over me when you are in my sight. It makes me feel protected and surreal. I don't exactly have words to express what I feel for you. I'm not even sure if I'm love. But there's one thing that I know, I don't feel like this around anybody else, and this is definitely not anything less than love, maybe it is more than that in higher altitudes. Maybe not everyone is able to handle this kind of feeling, like not everyone can climb the Mount Everest. And I'm elated ...

You know what my problem is? I can't fight for the people I want in my life, when someone else is fighting with me. I can't fight back. I just let them take away my most favorite person in the world, and then regret for not actually doing anything at the moment. Because if they really want to stay, they would make an effort to stay with me. I know it's stupid and I agree that I'm a hypocrite, but that is what it is. That is how I feel. But yeah, I'm learning.

You know what? I need that. I need someone beside him to remind me that he was never mine . I need something to never let me forget or get used to the pain of loving him. The pain is excruciatingly beautiful. Something that would make me walk on the daggers that leads to his heart. But of course the journey through the path of daggers is not easy. It would cut me open, so weak and vulnerable. It would make me cry a million times. But when I’d reach on the other end, his heart would be there. Or maybe not? Because he was never mine .

Well, the title explains it all. Ever wondered what it was like when we were kids? If any of our friends stopped talking, we used to bug them with questions like,"What happened?"or "Why are you not talking to me?", till they would start talking to us again. What happened to all that? What happened to us? Did we really grow up so much, that we can't even ask each other those same questions again? When did all those Innocence & Friendship changed into ego? Remember that friend of yours with whom you used to talk about everything? Now you can barely look at him. And WHY IS THAT? Is it really MISUNDERSTANDING? or EGO? If this is some sort of grown up thing, then trust me I don't wanna grow up. Like seriously? Why can't we just talk about it all and let it be the way it was? Is it really that hard? Okay, I get it that sometimes it's hard but did you ever try? Or are you waiting for them to make that move? I'm not that type of person wh...

So, here's one of the thing that this year taught me. And that is, you don't always have to do what makes you happy or what you think is right. Sometimes you gotta do things that makes others happy and it may not be the right thing to do, but trust me, you'll figure it out soon. This makes no sense, right? Well, it does. To me, at least.

Hey there people! Yes, I am alive! SURPRISE! xD haha The last time I blogged was exactly two months ago and I was a different person then. Gosh! I can't even believe how much things changed in these past two months. I'm a whole new person now. The girl who was two months ago, was someone who would've been trying to find answers to certain questions. She used be confused at times and stay up all night, trying to figure everything out. She changed. Well, maybe in a certain way. She learnt a lot over the past few months and now she's a different Me . Crazy, isn't it? I know. Well, speaking of crazy, I can't believe this year is almost over! December is gonna be here in less than a week! And guess what? Its my birth month! :D Haha! TBH, I don't even know how I feel about it. It feels kinda exciting as well as weird. Idk... Anyway, I guess I'm gonna be updating my blog more often than I usually do :D Till then, adios amigos!

Leave me alone, let my heart bleed, There's no cure, you're all I need. Death is crawling back in me everyday, Need no words of sympathy from you throwing on my way, Time is tick-tocking my life, I want to die to survive.